Frozen Emotions
by Ihearu
Summary: Post iGoodbye. There's only one person who still can't get a grasp on things after Carly leaves, and she's starting to cause a nuisance in Freddie's life.


_A/N: Post-iGoodbye. I had to, okay? I know there's been 1000 other stories out there about it, I couldn't help but write a little snippet about what could be. No, there's no Sam driving off to California in this (at least, not yet). This is so sad, writing my final piece on the subject, but alas, I'm thankful for this ride. _

_Enjoy! (And, for crying out loud, I do not (did not?) own any iCarly affiliation) _

**Frozen Emotions**

It's been two weeks since Carly left for Italy and things aren't right. Sam's finding herself in more and more trouble, Gibby and Freddie don't hang out with anyone else, and Spencer is having a mental dilemma on whether or not to let T-Bo move in with him.

The whole problem is that Carly's gone. She was always the ringleader, the one that kept everyone level headed, and the one that held the glue of the group together.

_Sam is lonely._

She doesn't notice it at first, but slowly, she's going into an extremely empty Shay apartment, feeling chills knowing Carly's gone and won't be back for a very long time. She attempts bonding with Gibby and Freddie (yeah, learning how to tame a weasel was pretty cool) but it just felt off. The dynamic was overly masculine and she found herself wanting to talk about – wait for it – girly stuff with her girly friend.

_She was not coping well. _

Her mother noticed her presence around the house more often and that created a lot more tension between the two – Sam was not allowed to eat all of the food in the house, nor was she allowed bothering her whenever she brought a guy home. Which was often.

_She even called Melanie._

Breaking down sobbing on the phone to Melanie wasn't one of Sam's greatest moments, but it shocked Melanie to hear. She didn't know her sister to be so emotional! It took twenty minutes to get a coherent statement out of Sam, Melanie almost thought her mom had died or something. The only consolation she could really provide was that she was going to be home soon for Christmas break for a month, but she was afraid Sam was going to get attached and deal with someone leaving again.

_It was too quick._

Carly was here and gone with so little notice in less than a day.

Sam found herself wandering to her locker alone, going to her classes alone and going to the groovy smoothie alone.

Freddie was adjusting too, but it didn't seem as bad. He had AV club and computer games and Gibby. Guys will be guys, and they hardly show their weaknesses.

_She grew desperate._

"Okay, T-Bo, I, uh, wanna know if you're hiring?"

T-Bo blinked at her in confusion, reeled his head back, and shook it, blinked again. "Are you serious, girl? I heard what happened in the Chili restaurant and the Penny-T's factory."

"Listen. I won't bark orders at anyone else and I won't drink all the smoothies. Give me a chance?"

"Uh, okay, sure. Minimum wage okay?" She thinks over the fact that Carly isn't around to help out with costs of smoothies or other food items and she nods. Her mother never keeps the fridge stocked anyways.

_They attempt contact_

The first Skype calls to Carly were in a group at Spencer's apartment. Someone would get a text about Carly wanting to Skype at a certain time (time difference was a pain) and they'd all huddle around the small screen.

Then Sam wanted just Carly time, but she couldn't let her see how tough it had been without her. Sure, she'd say she missed her and missed having girl best friend time, but she forbid herself to cry and beg her to come home.

The first time they talked alone, Carly was so confused as to why Sam was working and how normal it seemed for her to complain about a customer and accidentally drop a smoothie on his lap. Carly talked about the kids on the air base and how beautiful the sights were. Her school was boring, but everyone there called her iCarly. Carly asked how everyone was doing, and was internally surprised when Sam admitted she didn't really know, "but they seem fine to me. I worry about Spencer sometimes, but he's had Socko and T-Bo over a lot lately, and the rest of us always come by." Carly feels the need to press it, but stays calm and dismisses it as just adjustment.

_And then a bombshell is dropped._

Freddie and Gibby are sitting at a table in the Groovy Smoothie, and Sam waits on them begrudgingly. It's a slow day, lots of snow on the ground – not many people want to drink cold drinks on a cold day. T-Bo is working on creating some sort of new food on a stick, and she goes ahead and sits between Gibby and Freddie.

"So what's going on, guys?"

"Not much, just drinking a smoothie!"

"Nada."

She shrugs and leans back. "Talk to Carly lately?"

Freddie nods, not saying much, but that's provided from Freddie.

"Well duh he has!" Gibby says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Uh, she wants to come back to graduate, she said principal Franklin will be totally okay with it. We were talking about schools over there. She thinks she could get into some good colleges and I might go abroad too… I don't know anything yet though…"

The C-word strikes a nerve.

Sam holds decent grades and has had a fantastic addition in the extracurricular section, but she's sure she could never get accepted to the some of the same prestigious places as Carly and Freddie.

"That's nice." Illusive is the best way to play it.

Gibby nudges Freddie too pointedly, and suddenly something seems wrong.

"It's awesome how you guys are in such close contact after what happened before she left."

_What's that supposed to mean?_

Sam etches confusion across her face, looking directly at Freddie. He shrugs again, but his face shows he's avoiding something.

Sam is just about to ask what that is when she gets called back up to the counter – T-Bo wants her to go into the stock room and pull out a new set of smoothie cups. She's torn, but she's also a good worker. Her mind in the meantime, however, was running a mile a minute.

It's not for another ten minutes that she gets the opportunity to talk with them again. She decides to ease into it, instead of pouncing.

"So, what were you guys talking about earlier?"

"Oh, just how Freddie said not to mention that Carly kissed him before she left…. And now I just told you so, uh, I have to go feed my weasel…"

Gibby rushes out, and Sam can't blame him. She felt it coming, but certainly didn't know how to react.

"So, uh, you and Carly kissed?" She's trying to be blasé about it, but her whole face drops in the process.

"Well, technically, she kissed me, but I guess there was a little bit of mutual in those two seconds."

She takes a few seconds to let her head wrap around it before continuing,

"So, did you like it?"

His eyes widen, "jeez, you sound like Carly."

She knew from the type of response that this was something bad. She let him continue.

"I uh, I don't know Sam. She kissed me, and then she left. It's not like I can just up and say anything definitive." Sam knows that he's just being polite in not revealing more.

It's awkward between them, and he leaves and she stays.

_It doesn't feel fair._

She feels like the Groovy Smoothie is cursed, remembering walking in on Carly and Freddie slow dancing.

Sam has been chasing Freddie for a long time now. She thought Carly knew that. Is that why she hadn't said anything? Or was it that insignificant, just a kiss to say goodbye, one to settle things completely? Just a few weeks ago Carly let it slip that Freddie asked, "is it too late for you to love me?"

Wait a second.

It clicks in her head that the day Carly was leaving for Italy, the same night she and Freddie kissed, was the same day Freddie brought up the idea of them getting back together. _What happened? _

She worked the rest of the day half-mindedly. T-Bo seemed to pick up on something, but knew better than to press the issue.

After work, she rode her motorcycle home, despite the freezing conditions and only having a leather jacket at her back.

Seeing that no one was home there made things worse. At least a cranky mom meant someone sharing space.

It didn't take long for her to leave again. She rode around aimlessly until she was numb (from the situation or the cold, she wasn't sure) and realized she needed to save some of the gas.

Bushwell plaza seemed like the last place she wanted to end up, but there she was.

She enters Spencer's apartment unwarranted and notices him working underneath a sculpture, but talking. She sees the pearpad on the floor to the side of him, realizing he's not talking to Carly but some other girl he has a crush on.

Sliding upstairs without him noticing, she opens the door to Carly's room.

She hasn't been in here since Carly left and it feels so… empty.

Being the way that she is, she goes and finds Carly's pearbook, signing in and attempting to skype to her pearpad.

After four attempts, a sleepy Carly is on screen. "Sam? It's 6:30 in the morning here. What are you doing in my room?" Sam checks the time, about 9:30 at night. Oops.

"Crap. I'm sorry. I forgot about the time change chizz. Sorry, go back to sleep." She felt bad about waking Carly up, but she also felt like a huge chicken.

"Hold on a second, Sam. You tried calling four times. And you're in my room of all places. It must be important." Damn it. She didn't think a tired Carly would pick up on this so easily.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it."

"Come on Sam, you're my best friend, you can tell me." Sam felt a sharp pain inside her. She felt like the same should be said about Carly and Freddie's kiss.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression."

"What do you mean?" All focus was on Sam, and she didn't know how to explain herself.

"So, I just got out of work and it's been cold and snowy and Freddie and Gibby were there so I sat with them a little while and they were talking about you and Gibby mentioned something I thought was odd and then I asked Freddie about it and he told me and I was just kind of surprised cause I would have thought you would have told me, ya know?" She was rambling, but she didn't want to throw the idea out to have it repeated in her face over and over.

It takes Carly a moment to register. Her face melts from confusion to apologetic, "Oh, Sam, I'm sorry," She winces, bracing for the impact of words, "I have been so busy here lately I didn't even remember about that. Great, I'm a terrible friend even from thousands of miles away."

_What?_ She wasn't expecting this reaction at all.

"You're talking about kissing Freddie, right?"

Carly laughs lightly. "Yes, only I'd hardly consider it a kiss. To be honest, it was just closure. Saying goodbye, thanks for all the good times. It was short, and awkward after it was over."

"Does Freddie feel the same way as you do?" This was uneasy for her to ask. It was a good weight off her chest, and even better because she hated fighting with Carly.

"I don't think so? I talk to him a lot but I'm not really getting that impression."

"Oh, okay." She feels silly for making this into a big deal.

"So, go ahead. Get back with him. I never really understood why you guys broke up in the first place."

"What? Haha, no Carly, that's okay. I still think he has a crush on you."

Carly shakes her head, tut tut-ing. "I don't think so, but it's worthless to try and convince you of anything at this hour."

"I'm sorry! I'll remember better next time. I miss you." Sam waivers a little at the end of her statement; Carly is still half of her, no matter how she views it.

"I miss you too, don't be afraid to call at anytime. You're my best friend and that's never going to change."

"Thanks Carls."

"And Sam?" She asks, sounding sincere.

"Yeah?"  
"Don't you dare steal my pearpad too." They both laugh and it relieves them from feeling sad.

The call ends seconds later and Sam is sad again. Relieved that Carly and Freddie aren't in some secret relationship behind her back, but still upset about not being able to just sit and be with her best friend.

Through everything Sam had been through in her life, Carly had always been there for her. Sure, some things she kept bottled up, but the Carly was more of her sister than Melanie could be in the past few years.

_She couldn't stay Carly's room any longer._

Sam almost went to go sleep in the iCarly room but decided against it quickly (she felt like being there was like feeling the ghosts of their past).

Spencer noticed her after she waltzed down the stairs.

"Woah, Sam! How's it hangin? I didn't even see you there."

"Nice replica of a giant doorknob! It seems pretty shiny." Spencer was back in his groove with sculpting, and the cool thing about it all was that he was getting known for making giant replicas of things, so now his time was getting occupied.

"I'm afraid if I shine it anymore it'll reflect on something and catch on fire," Typical, "Why are you here?"

"Oh, just upstairs, I borrowed Carly's pearpad and skyped her from it."

"Dude! It's like 6 am there!" Sam shrugs, putting on a guilty-as-charged face. "Must have been important."

"Nah, no big deal… are you doing anything this weekend?" She felt the need to ask, because she hated being alone constantly, it was making her sick.

"Hmm, I've got nothing going on Saturday night, why?"  
"Food and movies?"

"I'll buy the pizza and chicken. Nothing scary! I can't afford to be in this house thinking an alien is living in my shower again." Sam walked out, feeling a little better.

Once she closed the door, she hesitated, seeing the Benson's door straight at her view. She pressed her ear to it, and after hearing nothing she slid a credit card through the doorframe to unlock the door.

Pressing through, she's thankful it's just an empty apartment. T-Bo is still at the Groovy Smoothie, closing, and Marissa is likely working the late shift at the hospital. Freddie… she didn't want to know.

Sam crossed through the apartment and crawled out the window to the fire escape. Sure, it was chilly, but that didn't stop her from sitting down in the camping chair and gazing out to the Seattle night sky.

Sam also is impressed to find beer. She remembers Carly scolding him about underage drinking while he rebutted that he only drank one, alone at the fire escape when he needed to take the edge away from his mom.

Lost in her thoughts and her newly found alcohol, she seemed to forget that this wasn't her home, and hours later it's the same case when Freddie holds a baseball bat out the window, threatening whoever's out there to show their self, she nearly falls out of her chair... or his chair, or whatever.

"Jesus, Freddie - are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

He looks at me with a shocked expression on his face. "You're the one who's outside my apartment! Which, by the way, is FREEZING, and you left the window open so now the place is like an icebox. What in the world are you doing out there? You're going to get sick."

"Sure, Marissa." Sam hisses, "I'm not going anywhere, so deal with it."

"What's your problem?" She can hear the irritation in his voice.

Sam sways a little in her seat, wagging her finger.

"Are you drunk?" His eyes are wide as he stares in disbelief. Sam never touches alcohol, especially after seeing how it makes her mother act.

"So what if I am? What are youu going to do about it?"

Freddie takes in the whole scene.

Something is seriously wrong here.

He takes his tone down a couple of notches, softens up his eyes and sits down at her level.

"What's going on Sam?"

She remains quiet for a second,

"_Everyone abandons me."_

At first he thinks it's just his ears playing tricks on him. Since when does Sam talk like that? The whole time they dated, she never talked on a deeper personal level.

"Oh, come on Sam. That's not true."

Sam whips her head around to face him, visibly angry. "Oh yeah Benson? Where do you wanna start? When my dad left? Or how about when Melanie chose to go to school a thousand miles away? How about the fact my mother is never around? And then now Carly too? You're next, obviously."

Freddie can hear the pain in her voice, but is surprised he even was included on the list at the end.

"Sam, I won't leave." He's trying to be delicate with her, but she won't buy it. Mama never does.

"Yeah, okay. Like you weren't just talking about flying to school in Florence to go make out with Carly some more."

Now he's really caught off guard. He doesn't know what his future leads, but Sam has always felt like college won't be an option, she refuses to talk about it. And then adding in the fact that she knows about the goodbye kiss, what?

"What? Where's this all coming from?"

"You know, you could have told me." Her head whips back around so fast her hair smacks her face.

"I thought Carly told you." He's looking for a cop out now; she knows it.

She thinks carefully and chooses her words wisely. "No, you didn't. You wouldn't have told Gibby to keep it from me if you thought I knew."

She's livid, fuming. Carly wasn't the one to blame here. Carly's half way across the world, and has been busy adapting to time change, unpacking in a new place, and trying to make a new name for herself in a new school.

Freddie's been the one who's been here the whole time and hasn't mentioned a word.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" She grabs the collar of his shirt, ready to spit in his face.

"I-I don't know!" He sputters, afraid. "I didn't want to!"

She shoves him away, disgusted.

"You're sick, Benson." Trying to get the best of both worlds? No. The best of both best friends!"

"Sam, hold on!"

"We break up and you just decide to go back to being in love with Carly? How does that even make sense?!"

"Woah, what?"

Jabbing a finger in his chest, she screams, "You asked her if 'is it too late for you to love me?' Then you go and ask me if we want to get back together, but there you go with kissing Carly and then keeping from me. What the hell is your problem!"

Looking at Sam's eyes, it finally starts to sink in for Freddie. It makes sense why she's so upset.

_She still loves him._

Freddie starts to back away slowly. What in the world did he get himself into? He never imagined this would happen in a million years.

"I, uh, I didn't kiss her."  
"Liar. You kissed her back."

"Sam-"

"STOP. I'm done with you. Why do you think you can just do this to us? To me? I hate you!"

He's chasing her, throughout his apartment, out to the hallway.

"Please don't say that-"

"YOU ALWAYS LOVED HER MORE! It's a growing trend, have you realized it? It's been like this way since I was a kid! Everyone loves someone else more than _me._ My dad loved someone else rather than his own kids. My mom loved Melanie more than me from the get go because I didn't feel like faking that everything was okay was the right move. Carly gets to go spend time with her dad – I don't have one of those! I don't even know who he is! Then you go and crush on Carly for practically forever, I finally get the courage to tell you how I feel and you actually _date_ me, and as soon as you realize you're done, you're back to Carly! I NEVER win here. It's about time I stop burdening peoples lives and get out of here." She's crying at this point, but is too upset to care.

He doesn't say anything more, but wraps her up in a hug.

She's disgusted for letting him. Who does this kid think he is?

"I'm so sorry, Sam." Damn right you better be.

_Her walls are back up again._

She crumples to the floor with him, numb, not knowing what other emotion to feel.

"I need to go." Sam chokes out, rubbing away tears, ashamed of herself.

"You're drunk. The roads are icy, and you only have your bike here. There's no way in hell I'm letting you drive home. Come on, you can stay in Carly's-"

"NO!" She seems horrified at the thought. Being in Carly's apartment without Carly at night just doesn't seem right.

"Okay, okay, calm down." He guides her back into his apartment, mentally thanking his mom for working the night shift tonight.

When Sam runs to the bathroom in Freddie's room, he shuffles through some things in his desk drawer quickly in search of something. Getting back to Sam, she's sick and he takes her hair to hold back.

Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, she snaps, "I don't need you to hold my hair back. That's what ponytails are for."

"Lucky for you, you don't have any hair ties."

She attempts to come up with a retort, but pukes instead.

They stay in the bathroom for hours, even after Sam's done puking but she doesn't want to move because the room won't stop spinning.

The tension between them could be cut like a knife.

"Listen, I know you're not going to remember this in the morning but I want you to read this." He hands her a small piece of cardstock.

"Ugh, Benson please. If I open my eyes, I swear I'll puke all over you."  
"Fine. I'll read it to you. 'Happy Birthday. Hate you. Hate, Sam."

Sam opens one eye. "You still have that card?"

He smiles, "I wouldn't have thrown it away. It took me awhile to understand though."

She swallows, grimacing at the taste in her mouth. "What do you mean?"

"I finally get that when you said hate, you meant the same kind of hate after our first kiss."

A few seconds go by. She doesn't know how to proceed. She's hesitating.

"_Kind of. I meant love."_

They lay there and then suddenly they hear the front door open and shut.

Freddie swore - he didn't realize what time it was. Marissa Benson was home.

"Okay, I need you to stay here, I'm going to jump into bed and pretend like I'm sleeping. This light's going to be off, and I'm going to close the door. Try to not make any noise." She nods, frozen to the spot on the floor, forced to lie on her side due to Freddie's instruction.

No quicker than five minutes later, Freddie's bedroom door clicked open.

In shuffled bright white shoes. She checked Freddie's pulse, checked his forehead for fever, and sniffed his hair (something she tut-tutted at). Then she kissed the top of his head and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Sam stumbles out of the bathroom, trying to stabilize herself by grabbing his doorframe, doorknob, desk…

"Shh! You're going to make my mom come back!" Freddie groans, scrambling out of bed to help her.

She politely sticks out her tongue at him in response.

"How are you feeling?"

"Seriously? How do you think!" She climbs into his bed, her head hitting the pillow hard.

"Excuse me? That's my bed!"

"Sleep on the floor!"

"YOU sleep on the floor! You'll probably puke all over the sheets."

"Right, like that matters, Mr. Galaxy Wars."

"Fine, sleep there! But I'm sticking the trash can by the side for reference."

Freddie grumbles and grabs some extra blankets and the comforter pillow, aiming to get comfy on the floor.

There's about ten minutes of silence, and right when Freddie thinks Sam is asleep, he hears her sit up. Thinking she's about to puke, he scrambles to sit up.

"Freddie?" her voice is small, quiet. "Can you come here?"

He crouches next to the bed, eye level. "What is it?"

She pats the space next to her.

"_Come sleep with me?" _

It comes out as a plead more than a question.

Hesitating for a second he carefully climbs in next to her. The bed is luckily big enough without the two of them getting claustrophobic, but small enough that their legs and arms can touch. There's some adjustment, but then they're finally oddly comfortable when Sam decides to drape her head on Freddie's chest. He toys with her curly hair a little bit, and then right when she begins to drift off…

"_Night, Freddie. I love you." _

Stunned at first, he stays frozen to the spot. When he hears her light snoring, he exhales.

Kissing the top of her head gently, he says, "goodnight Sam. I love you too."

Tomorrow morning will certainly be interesting.

_A/N: So? Any thoughts? The ending isn't supposed to solve everything, but the story itself tells a lot better of a picture than what Dan left us. What happens after this? Maybe that should be left to you, the reader's imagination. _

_Thanks so much for everyone who's read/commented on any of my iCarly stuff or wrote stories that are upon this site (or anyone at bickering sidekicks). You all have opened my eyes to an incredible world out there._

_Always,_

_ihearu_


End file.
